


Fine And Handsome Man That He Is

by the_milliners_rook



Category: Bleach
Genre: Colin Firth is the definitive Mr Darcy, F/M, Family Shenanigans, Ichigo is almost definitely a platonic version of Mr Knightly, Jane Austen would not be proud, Melodrama, Reading Into Things, shipping is evil: don't do it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-17
Updated: 2012-07-17
Packaged: 2017-11-10 04:21:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/462146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_milliners_rook/pseuds/the_milliners_rook
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yuzu learns about Jane Austen. Karin and Toushirou are not amused. Ichigo is, and brings popcorn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fine And Handsome Man That He Is

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife. Or, modernizing it slightly, a girlfriend.

The same, Yuzu had decided (with hearts and curly squiggles after making a pro and con list for Matthew Macfadyen and Colin Firth to see which was the better Mr Darcy, current victor still not chosen), also applied to women.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a girl is in want of a boyfriend.

Or, more precisely, a Mr _Darcy._

Not everyone gets a Mr Darcy in the end. Yuzu understood that loud and clear. If not a Mr Darcy, then there was also a Mr Bingley. Or _maybe_ a Mr Wickham, because if Mr Wickham was their true love, then true love, overcoming their difficulties, and taming their wild spirit, as good girls do change the ways of bad boys. (Besides, Mr Darcy was by no means a ‘bad boy’, just a grumpy reserved sweetheart.)(Oh Colin Firth!) Rarely was a Mr Collins wanted or needed; and there was always the alternate life of spinsterhood to be considered, if worst came to worst.

(“You make it sound like these guys are people you can buy, Yuzu. People as products.” “That’s not true!” “Yeah, you do. Now, what are we watching tonight?”)

Minutes after reading _Pride and Prejudice_ (favourite book ever!) and sighing blissfully, Yuzu knew that Karin was definitely an Elizabeth Bennett.

And she would find her Mr Darcy.

Karin just didn’t know it yet.

 

*

 

Or maybe she did.

Karin’s Mr Darcy came in the form of Hitsugaya Toushirou. Yuzu approved immensely.

Within seconds of seeing the picture perfect couple side by side; having dinner (together!), Yuzu knew without a doubt that they were Meant To Be. They were truly a match made in heaven – and how cute is it that Karin is growing up so fast! She’s so proud of her sister.

“You’re such a cute couple!” Yuzu enthused, clapping her hands and secretly mapping out the wedding plans and future nieces and nephews (they’ll have such pretty babies!) “How long have you two been dating? Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“He’s not my boyfriend!” Karin protested, flustered, looking at Hitsugaya-san and blushing even more, wide eyed and embarrassed, though she had no reason to be shy. The entire world was rooting for them. “Really. He’s not.”

“You don’t have to pretend, Karin-chan.” Yuzu simply smiled, completely unconvinced by her denial. She knew the truth. Karin didn’t have to lie. They’re a couple. They’re dating. And it’s so _sweet._ She nods understandingly. It’s not a lost cause, it’s simply one that has to be manoeuvred by yours truly to get the desired, and inevitable results.

“I’m not her boyfriend!” Toushirou-san demurred as well, but he too lacked conviction. It didn’t take a true romantic to pick up on that little bit of yearning on the cadence of his voice. It must be that, after all. There could be no other reason why their faces were the exact same shade of red – which, in turn, meant that their hearts were already aligned. (And isn’t that just _adorable?_ )

Ichigo cleared his throat. Immediately, Yuzu’s attention was drawn. What words of wisdom was he about to impart to them now?

“You two,” Ichi-nii stated, standing up, “are terrible liars.”

_“Ichi-nii!”_

 

*

 

It’s true.

As if they’re actually _not_ dating.

Karin was so wonderfully, delightfully _transparent_ when it comes to Toushirou-san. Likewise, he to her.

The initial belligerence towards each other was gone (although if there was any belligerence at _all,_ or if there were wrong first impressions, it still remains a mystery to Yuzu as she hasn’t interrogated Karin _yet_ on how she met her Mr Darcy) but there’s a sweet awkwardness and playful banter between them. (And Karin is not like this to her soccer friends; Yuzu has played the cheerleader far too many times to count to know this is as fact.)

Toushirou, according to Ichigo-sensei, stuttered more when closer in proximity to Karin. This information is revealed with a smug grin, and then and there, Yuzu knows she has herself an ally. Toushirou merely scowled, and said he did not; but then Karin asked for him to pass the butter, and as their finger brush, he fumbled with his next words. Butterfingers indeed.

And as for Karin, well, the difference is all the more noticeable. She grinned and blushed whenever she saw him. Yuzu hadn’t told her sister yet, but she _knew_ that Karin pined for him in their bleak moments of separation. And that she most likely used soccer as an excuse to hug him whenever they scored goals.

“I swear,” Ichi-nii began, serious faced, acting on pure big brother instinct, “that if your intentions towards my sister are honourable, then I’ll consider this whole thing adorable.”

Yuzu beamed at this. Karin and Toushirou-san… did not.

To think, she’d had her big brother pegged as ‘don’t touch my sister!’ type. Rukia-san’s efforts are clearly taking effect! (And if Karin is Lizzy, and Yuzu is Jane, then which sister is Ichi-nii?)

(And if she’s Jane, then why hasn’t her Mr Bingley found her yet?)

 

*

 

Turns out that Ichi-nii isn’t an ally. He isn’t even a Bennett. He’s a _Lady Catherine._

A villain!

“Yuzu! I was messing with their heads!”

Oh, such teasing affection is _blasphemy._

“Stop—don’t hit me with that book! What book is that, anyway?”

Thwack!

“You can’t do that, Ichi-nii! You’re… you’re meant to… be there and give Toushirou-chan your blessings. I want Karin to have her Mr Darcy!”

“… what?”

“It’s movie night!” He’ll understand.

No one can deny the allure of Matthew Macfadyen. (Love!)

“You’re meant to be on my side!” Yuzu relents with the book, but she makes him take a good look at the cover, and then picks up the DVD version. It's the movie version! “Listen well. It’ll all work out.”

“… and Jane Austen’s epics are meant to convince me of that?”

“She’s written more?”

How did she not know this?

“Your face.” Ichigo ruffled her hair, and Yuzu moved to cuddle him on the sofa. They’ll start the movie in a minute. “Alright, let’s watch this version; see Keira Knightley in fancy dresses since she’s too busy dancing at balls, rather than being a pirate.” He pressed play, and really, they should have more family bonding sessions. Karin should be here, but she’s outside playing soccer with her friends. (Is that an alibi? Maybe.) It just means that while they get to watch _Pride and Prejudice_ first, they are so going to be watching Pirates of the Caribbean next. Pirates! Keira Knightley! Johnny Depp! Romance! (Ichi-nii can’t deny his mancrush on Johnny Depp, no one can.)

“And then?” Because Ichi-nii was very much leading to an ‘And Then’.

He shrugged. “And then we’ll go on a Jane Austen marathon.”

“You are the best brother ever!”

“You watch it for the romance. I watch it for the actors.”

She wanted to believe him, honestly, Yuzu did.

But it’s much likelier than not, that Ichigo is in fact A True Romantic. Like her.

(“I’m not.” “Uh-huh.” “If I say I am… we’ll watch _Shaun of the Dead,_ next.” “And if you don’t?” “I don’t know… _Aladdin?”_ )

True Romantics. Loving romance every step of the way.

 

*

 

 _“He carried you bridal style?”_ Yuzu gasped, catching this gossip in her pyjamas. She nearly swooned upon hearing the news. And now she must hear more.

“Only for a little bit.” Karin mutters, flushed. “Look, it’s not like it means anything.”

“It means _everything.”_ Outraged, Yuzu chucked her pillow at her sister. Handsome Hitsugaya-san carried Karin, bridal style, acting like the gentleman he was, and Karin’s acting as if the whole ordeal meant nothing at all—despite her life being saved! Sunsets! Romantic interludes! Her heart must be his! Yuzu pushes forth, ever the curious. Oh, the _images._ “Did he kiss you?”

“What? _No.”_ Cheeks flushed, Karin shook her head, somewhat alarmed. “No, Yuzu, he didn’t.”

It’s disappointing that Karin doesn’t even seem disappointed.

But she can work with this.

Yuzu knew the secret longing that lived in her sister’s heart.

“… did you _want_ him to kiss you?”

“No!”

And the pillow landed spectacularly on Yuzu’s face.

“Now go to sleep, okay?”

Karin has done that _obviously_ to hide her rather obvious blush, of course.

 

*

 

They were the cutest couple in the universe. And it showed.

Tiny moments like sitting together and Karin leaned back and settled on his shoulder, tiny moments where he played with her hair, and looked at her, not quite smiling, but definitely not frowning. (“Before he met Karin,” Ichigo liked to whisper in Yuzu’s ear, aware that the Cutest Couple could hear them, “if there was a Frowning Competition, between you and me, I’m not sure who would win.” “And now?” “I’d win, hands down.” “Kurosaki!” “Shh, let them be, Toushirou. Watching TV. Besides, you’d totally lose, even before meeting the greatest person you’ll ever meet. Kurosakis are born winners.”)

Having a boyfriend around made the place neater—at least, Karin would tidy up without being reminded, whenever it meant that Toushirou was coming around to eat, or hang out. And, it was slow, but certain that Ichi-nii and Toushirou-san were become the Best of Friends. (Hurrah for friendships! and brothers-in-laws!) Toushirou-san wasn’t sending as many glares, and when Karin thought he did, she offered to clean the plates, with Toushirou-san quietly joining her. There they talked, murmuring above the running water and occasionally engaged in soap suds fights. Ichigo watched them out of the corner of his eye, making sure that nothing untoward would happen.

Karin sighed a lot more whenever Toushirou wasn’t around. Grinned whenever Toushirou came round with gifts, and apologies for not coming sooner. Her response was only to throw her arms around him, take his hand, lead him to the kitchen and feed him candied beans. Both of them looked happier whenever they were in each other’s company, and if that’s not being in love, then nothing is.

(“Candied beans? It’s like you’re an old _man.”_ “Older than _you,_ Kurosaki!” “What, you won’t call me Ichi-nii? Please do. You’re part of the family now.”)

And Karin said she _wasn’t_ dating him.

 

*

 

“Colin Firth is the definitive Mr Darcy.” Ichigo declared, sitting back on the sofa. (And deny it all he likes—he _has_ a Jane Austen addiction. Don’t think that Yuzu hasn’t seen the novels hidden in his room. He loves her literature.)

“Wrong!” Yuzu shook her head as the credits for the last episode rolled in. “Matthew Macfadyen _is_ Mr Darcy.”

Those vulnerable eyes.

Now, this is not to say Colin Firth _doesn’t_ have vulnerable eyes (because he _does!_ he _totally does!_ ) but they’re nowhere near as successful in mastering those puppy eyes because Matthew Macfadyen’s eyes are _huge._ (So adorable! Love!)

“Is this just because you think he’s pretty?” Ichigo asked, startling a tickle war. “One sister I was fine with growing up, the other… not so much.”

“You’re just jealous that I’m Jane and you’re Lady Catherine!” Yuzu lifts her head high, before she submits to her fit of giggles.

“Hm. Well, I’d prefer to be the hero of the story, but I won’t mind being the villain this gets the lovebirds together.”

“All for the sake of True Love!”

“Sure. If it gets them to admit their feelings for each other.” Ichi-nii humoured her, picking her up and taking to bed. “Sleep.”

 

*

 

“This is a date!” Aha! Busted. ( _Snap! Snap! Snap!_ goes the camera) Karin had made herself dressed up and pretty. And Yuzu is at the scene of the crime.

“No, Yuzu, it’s not.” Karin smiled at her, eyes warm. The protests have died down (so… have they admitted their feelings for each other? or has Karin undergone a life-changing experience?) and Yuzu, despite being well-natured, is nothing if not suspicious with the new developments that have yet to be determined. “We’re just visiting a friend.”

“A likely story.” Ichigo raised his eyebrows, and his expression mirrored Karin’s, almost like it’s a simple joke. Were they… were they plotting together? Without her? “Do you want me to have a Talk with him?” He looked at Yuzu, and smirked while Yuzu nodded, translating his Look as saying that she could take notes and write everything down in case Karin took issue with it.

(Of course Ichi-nii-san is on Team True Love. He is a True Romantic, after all!)

“No!” Horrified, Karin squeaked out; face flaming, subtly reminding Yuzu that tonight she was supposed to be making Baked Alaska today. “Just. _No._ ”

Karin rushed to the door, and yanked the door open, where Toushirou stood, with a bouquet of flowers (‘just friends’? Ha!) and grabbed his hand. They just run away together, door slamming behind them.

Yuzu looked at Ichigo triumphantly. Proof of their courtship. And now, elopement.

And isn’t it natural how Yuzu totally expected Karin to add: _stay away from my boyfriend,_ which is clearly stated between the lines?

 

*

 

‘Just visiting a friend’ is code for ‘going to the theme park’.

And ‘soccer’ is ‘going to the movies’.

Yuzu knows what’s really going on.

 

*

 

“Here’s a theory, Yuzu.” Ichigo said, eating popcorn, ready for their next movie. “What if Karin is Elizabeth Bennett and Toushirou is Colonel Fitzwilliam?”

“… I don’t understand.”

(The problem is, she remembers Mr Darcy, Mr Wickham, Mr Bingley and Mr Collins. She remembers those characters: the love interests. She just forgets who Colonel Fitzwilliam is.)

“Maybe Toushirou is _actually_ Karin’s best friend? Like how Colonel Fitzwilliam is for Miss Bennett.”

“But then…” For a second, she thinks that the world is ending, crashing around her with this life changing revelation. “Who would her Mr Darcy be?”

“… I don’t know. Let’s not go there.”

Yuzu pouted for a second, but Ichigo refused to budge. “Hmm. Alright.” She had a lot to thing about, erasing wedding dates and future honeymoons. Wisely, Yuzu let the subject go. It was movie night! (That Karin, once more had skipped in order to spend time with a certain not-boyfriend.) “Watch are we watching tonight?”

“An educational Jane Austen film called _Emma_.”


End file.
